Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
I love it when my engineer jokes come from actaul engineers who I meet. This one is from an old-school civil engineer-turned contract lawyer.
I haven’t done this for a while… enjoy!
Two Engineers on a date
Two engineers were on a date at a swimming pool. They are sitting on the end of a diving board when the guy says to the girl, “I think we’re having a moment.” The girl looks to the guy and says, “We’d make a great couple.”
Engineers do not believe in luck nearly as much as they rely on it.
A Engineer gets home from work and sees a note on the fridge from his wife. “This isn’t working, I’m at my moms”. he opens the fridge and checks the light, then grabs a beer and feels it cold. The engineer thinks to himself. “The fridge works fine”
Chemical Engineer vs Chemist
What’s the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? Answer: about $50k a year
Well, it’s been ages since I’ve posted some engineering jokes, so for some Sunday fun:
Engineer Joke #1:
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, ”Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
Engineer Joke #2:
Q: What do engineers use for contraception?
A: Their personalities
Engineer Joke #3:
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man below says: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field.”
“You must be an engineer,” says the balloonist.
“I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” says the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information.
“The man below says, “You must be a planner.”
“I am,” replies the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” says the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you are going, and you have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”
If you’re feeling a little lost, don’t be. You’ve just been redirected to the new website from the old site. Thanks for stopping by!
I thought I’d lighten things up with some good old…
Engineer Jokes of the Week!
To kick off, I’m going to share a little secret with you…There is a subtle competitiveness between engineers of different disciplines. You might try to deny it, but deep, deep down, you know I’m right – Mechanical Engineering is by far the best choice 😉
Psych! But really, we all believe that our discipline is somewhat better or more important that the others. I’ve had heated debates with electrical engineers about how without us, their jobs would be meaningless. Their reply, of course, is that mechanical machines will be lifeless without them! At the end of the day, it’s a really pointless argument because we all know that all engineering disciplines are equal, and that some disciplines are more equal than others (like mechanical engineering).
Here are a few engineering discipline jokes 😛
1. Four Engineers and A Broken Car
There are four engineers travelling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. “Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the mechanical engineer. “Well”, says the chemical engineer, “it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system.” “I thought it might be an grounding problem”, says the electrical engineer, “or maybe a faulty plug lead.” They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: “Well, what do you think?” “Ummm – perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?”
2. Engineer as a Designer of the Human Body
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.”
Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.”
The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
(and I know I’m shooting myself in the foot a little here, but I love this one)
3. How Many Engineers Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb
How many first year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That’s a second year subject.
How many second year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.
How many third year engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
“Will this question be in the final examination?”
How many civil engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to steady the chandelier.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They simply redefine darkness as the industry standard.
How many computer engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
“Why bother? The socket will be obsolete in six months anyway.”
How many mechanical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, one to calculate the force required, one to design a tool with which to turn the bulb, one to design a comfortable – but functional – hand grip, and one to use all this equipment.
How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years
And my personal favourite (because lets face it, we all love mocking software engineers!)
4. The Frog and the Software Engineer
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.”
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out: “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want”. Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked: “What is the matter ? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me ?”
The man said, “Look I’m a software engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”
So, since I am actually dating an engineer (a mechanical engineering masters student, might I add!), I think I’m allowed to joke about this…although I don’t think this is going to impress EcoHawk very much 🙂
10. Shirts and jeans are our formal dress. Hot dog and a six-pack is our seven-course meal. Sadly, this one is very, very accurate I’m afraid – but they really do come out of their shell when they’re comfortable. When you do get them to throw on a pair of dress-pants however, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how well they clean up!
9. The only social life known of is to post and talk on the net. I suppose I can’t comment on this one since I’m a blogger with 3 blogsites, 2 twitter accounts and multiple FB pages/ groups
8. We flame like a monster inside, and speak like a pussy cat. Beware of what lurks beneath the surface!
7. We work from 6:30am to 7:30pm daily. No morning kisses and no evening walks. Not acceptable! There is always time for cuddling! Put your foot down, girls!
6. No matter how hard you cry and how loud you yell at us , we just sit there calmly discussing your emotion in terms of mathematical logic. I can just see myself getting into trouble as I write this, so I shall refrain from commenting on this one! Safe to say – this is DEAD ON!
5. We only listen to classic rock.We hate everything from Bach to Prince
4. We touch our cars more often than you/her. Hmm, I can’t complain about this one – so do I! 😛
3. We talk in acronyms.
2. Can’t leave that damn pencil off our ears for a minute. “Work”- that dirty skank!
1. Will file a divorce if you call us in the middle of debugging. They do take their gadgets and tecchi-stuff very seriously.
So there you have it. I hope I am still dating an engineer after this post – wish me luck! If you have any engineer-jokes, send them along and I’ll post them!
|Hot Nerd Guy…Working for you? No?|
Engineering Pick-up Lines
- I won’t stop bugging you until I get the address of your home page. Cringe!
- You fascinate me more than the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus.
- Since distance equals velocity times time, let’s let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you. Ouch, this one is wrong on so many levels
- My love for you is like a concave up function because it is always increasing.
- Let’s convert our potential energy to kinetic energy.
- Wanna come back to my room? …and see my 1000 Mhz Pentium VII?
- How about you and I go back to my place and form a covalent bond?
- You and I would add up better than a Riemann sum.
- You’re sweeter than glucose. Chemical Engineering Scum!
- We’re as compatible as two similar Power Macintoshes.
- Why don’t we measure the coefficient of static friction between you and me? They mean DYNAMIC FRICTION I’m sure!
- Wanna see the programs in my HP-48GX?
- Your body has the nicest arc length I’ve ever seen.
- Isn’t your e-mail address firstname.lastname@example.org
- You’re hotter than a bunsen burner set to full power! Sigh, poor engineer boys…You gotta love them!
When it comes to social behaviour, i’ts a weel-known fact that engineers can tend to be a little, well, special at times…’Enginnering-jokes’, the kind that use terms and jargon specific to our field admittedly can become quite corny.
So at dinner last night, one of my engineer-friends (who just got a job-offer McKinsey!! Well done EM!) was telling us a story about a friend of his who could best be described as ‘the real life Sheldon’ (Big Bang Theory).
EM: Hows it going RLS? What did you get up to last night? (RLS = Real-Life Sheldon)
Ah, Engineers! You gotta love ’em!
|Mad Scientist Cupcake! Cute!!!|
I’m busy making cupcakes for my sister’s 21st! Yay, fun! Cupcake party, round 4! (You know we had to do it one last time).